I was 22. A resident advisor in a college dorm room. And I was done.
The guy I thought I’d one day marry dumped me a few months earlier.
I’d gained a lot of weight over the past semester. I wasn’t who I wanted to be.
To me, I was too quiet. Too timid to be on the hall with these seemingly cool freshmen residents. I was intimidated.
22. Still didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life. Still hadn’t declared a major.
I knew I loved my mom. I loved my family. And I wanted to make them proud. But I wasn’t.
I was tired. And I didn’t want to live anymore. Period.
My only thought was to jump out of the window of my dorm room, situated 4 stories high.
I was very afraid. And I was crying. And I was done. All I could see was my mom’s sweet face. My 2 year old baby cousin. And hopelessness.
Mulling. Thinking. Hyping myself. Pacing. Then I go towards my dorm room window to unlock it. I go to pull up the blinds when
the phone rings.
Just like that.
It was a coworker of mine who also works in the same dorm as me. Mind you, we are NOT friends. At all. She always got under my skin.
Diane: “Hey Lu. Whatcha doin?”
Me: “Uhhh..umm nothing. Why what’s up?”
Diane: “Nothing. I don’t know why, but I just felt like calling around and started with you first.”
I started crying on the spot and proceeded to say, “Thank you…Do…do you mind coming over to my dorm, please?”
Diane came over. She sat with me while I cried. And cried. And cried some more. I’d never felt so exhausted from crying before.
We wound up watching a few movies. And Diane eventually asked what was going on. I told her I just couldn’t take it anymore and was ready to die.
Diane looked me in my eyes and simply said, “Lu, I know I don’t really know you like that, but just know I want you here.”
After some more crying and sitting, I just remember Diane staying with me in my dorm room over the weekend.
Then, I had a Monday morning appointment with a counselor on campus (which Diane had already arranged). Diane walked with me over there. Waited until my session was over. Walked with my back to my dorm room.
I’m here today because of Diane.
If you are thinking about harming yourself or attempting suicide, tell someone who can help right away.